I am a cunt

In one of the worst kept secrets since Hitler tried to convince Europe he DEFINITELY WASN’T PLANNING AN INVASION OF POLAND ANYTIME SOON *wink wink*, news filters through the intertubes like urine dribbling down a tramps leg today regarding the imminent introduction of a monthly subscription based model for upcoming interactive set-piece simulator, Modern Warfare 3.

Well let’s face it, Activision arent a charity, and Bobby Kotick needs the blood of newlyborn infants to stop himself from turning into this

And that shit isn’t cheap.
So what’s a global megacorp gonna do? Take it’s biggest selling franchise, shove it’s hand up CoD’s pretty pink training bra, and squeeze that tit til it turns blue.

And so it begins:


So on top of paying for the game, paying for an xbox live subscription in order to play said game online, (unless your’e lucky enough to be on PSN, OH WAIT PSN DOESNT WORK LOL) Activision are now transcending evil megacorp status and evolving into some sort of tyrannical, Nazi-esque cadre of ultra-bastards by asking people to pay for a subscripion on top of a subscription. Sort of like if OCP from Robocop hired Josef Goebbels to do their PR work.

Hello, Dawg. We heard you like subsciptions, so we put a subscription in your subscription so you can give me more money while you get ass molested

 It was obvious to anyone who’d ever heard of the Call Of Duty franchise that this was the direction Activision were heading in. Why give away something for free when you can charge for it? Sluts of the world, take notice. You too could be making money via prostitution if you follow Activisions business model.
So what exactly are you getting for this Inception-esque subscription within a subscription? Lets take a look:

Youtube: unavailable to CoD players until now

Well suck me sideways, you actually get a youtube uploader for call of duty! Now you too can upload 480p SD 30 second clips showing your EPIC CHOPPER 99 KILLSTREAK or your SICK DUDE DUCK COCK. Just like millions of people are already doing, right this instant, for free! Lord knows, if there’s one thing youtube needs, its several hundred extra terrabytes of pure shit.

Only 1,370,000 results? NEEDS MOAR SUBSCRIPTION

You’ll also get access to map packs first, so you can totally rub it int he faces of all those people you’ve never met by telling them you’re playing the ANAL INSERTION MAP PACK before they are. Unless they shell out 24 euros worth of microsoft moon bux to buy it. Jesus Christ Activision, this shit prints money. If i were a ginger haired satanist who feasts on the blood of infants i too would be all over this shit.
So we’ve established now that you can do totally awesome radical bromigo shit like watching a shitty youtube clip of some gormless twat doing a totally sickass chopper rape of nanking on CoD Elite, but there must be more to it than that, surely. Bobby, if you want my 7.99 extra per month, you better show me something thats gonna blow my balls off:


So in closing, only an utter, solid gold retard would pay for this latest attempt from Bobby K to slide his scaly, blackened, man-goat cock into your wallet. It’s literally giving you everything you already fucking have, only charging you money for it. Will there be retards who will actually pay for this? Of course there are, after all people are actually, bafflingly shelling out 1200msp for 4 maps. For 1200 points you could probably buy something like Limbo, or Stacking, something that isn’t a the last squirt of milk fromt he wrung out teat of a cash cow so long since milked dry of any ounce of creativity it resembles a the dessicated husk of bobby Kotick when he hasnt feasted on the souls of Children for a week. This is the demographic that Activision lovingly refers to as ‘chumps with more money than sense‘.  Please, for gaming’s sake, don’t find yourself in this demographic.