Street Fighter IV
Format reviewed: Xbox 360
Street fighter IV is amazing. If Jesus played video games, he would more than likely be playing Street fighter IV (henceforth referred to as SF4), and he’d probably get really fucking pissed that capcom have delivered a genuine second coming unlike his hokey promises of ‘possibly maybe sometime coming back again, so behave yourselves!’
And if he did play SF4, you can forget about him ever making a comeback as he’ll be too busy trying to beat the fucking wanker Seth on anything above medium difficulty. Jesus doesn’t fuck about on Easy mode.
So yes, its incredible, and you dont need me to tell you that much. What you do need however, is the answer to the question no doubt on everyone’s lips, ‘just how fucking good do Chun Li’s thighs look in SF4??‘
STREET FIGHTER 2
Here we see Chun Li’s legs, circa 1993, in Street fighter 2: The world Warrior.
Blocky, pixellated, limited to 16 colours, yet strangely arousing. For most gamers in the early 90’s, Chun Li was their introduction to a lifetime of wondering if it was wrong to masturbate to fictional characters. In the pre-internet days when there was no erotic fan art, erotic fan fiction, erotic furry versions of videogame characters, the SNES version of street fighter 2 contained a hidden gem for hairy palmed teen gamers, a pause button.
Performing a spinning bird kick, or diagonally forward jump provided an almost perfect upskirt shot of Chun Li’s delicate, virginal, cherry blossom.
STREET FIGHTER 3: 3rd STRIKE
The year is 1997. Hairy palmed early teens, are now hairy palmed mid-teens. The SNES has given way to the sega Saturn & Playstation. Blocky 16 color palette version of Chun Li’ have made way for slightly less blocky, 32 color palette version of Chun Li, and a new era of feeling ashamed and wondering vaguely if there’s something wrong with you because you got a bonk on while playing Street fighter has arrived.
Once again, the legs are the most erotic part on display. Gone is the flat footedness of the early games, replaced with a coy, almost sexual, raised right heel, which seems to say to the player ‘go ahead, you can look, i don’t mind.‘ The slightly masculine shoulders and stance have been banished, replaced with a coquettish, cat like arch of the back, and a more feminine, plump posterior. The kind of buttocks that could clench your manhood between them as if to say ‘you may be the one with the penis, but i could rip it right off with these cheeks if i wanted to, and don’t you forget it‘.
STREET FIGHTER THE MOVIE: THE VIDEO GAME
The very fact that google image sarch cant find me a picture of Chun Li in 1994’s abysmal SFTM:TVG, more or less says what everyone already knows. The film was shit, the game was shit, and the legs on Chun Li were in all honestly, probably shit too. However they did belong to this woman:
And while she is rather attractive, the fact that you cannot see her legs in this photo more or less tells us all we need to know. The legs were sub par. Inferior. Threadbare. Shiny at the elbows, pick your euphamism.
STREET FIGHTER 4
Look at them. LOOK. I mean really look.
Statuesque. Graceful. Smooth as polished oak. Dare i say, GODLIKE. They are legs that could inspire Shakesperian prose. Legs that wars would be waged over. Legs that would enfold you like the arms of a lover returning from foreign lands after years of separation. Legs with the tenderness and smoothness of a playful kitten, but with the strength and firmness of a Sequoia .
If Chun Li’s legs were art, they would be Michelangelo’s David. And while Michelangelo’s David is a statue of some guy called David with his cock out, its not so much the cock but what the cock represents that is so reminiscent of Chun Li’s incredible stems. The cock represents some guy, polishing a bit of stone for a few years probably, until that bit or stone looks enough like a penis to be considered classical art. Chun Li’s pins are that penis. They are the solid marble penis of one of the world greatest artistic achievements, only they’re legs, and they’re in a videogame.
They are, my friends, the greatest legs in videogame history. And for that, Chun Li, we salute you, and will continue to pop wood while playing SF4 for years to come.