Tomb Raider: Underworld
Format Reviewed: Xbox 360
Tomb Raider: Underworld is the breast adventure in the long running Tomb Raider franchise, picking things up were 2006’s Legend left off. Once again, we’re back tits pillaging ancient ruins, performing more acrobatics than the Cirque Du Soleil on amphetamines, and juggs killing enough endangered species to give the members of PETA a collective brain embolism. Climbing on shit: Fun
So, once again we see tits heroine Lara Croft plunged into a bafflingly ludicrous story involving Atlantean Gods, The Hammer of Thor, The Belt (??) of Thor, and the fucking Gloves of Thor. Uncomfimed as of yet but im sure Downloadable content TITS of Thors Underwear, Thors Thinsulate hat, and mittens on string will be arriving any day now.
All of this nonsense is of course just an excuse to have Lara drag her arse halfway round the world several times over, running, jumping, kicking and shooting anything in sight. Underworld discards the combat heavy BREASTS play of Legend and focuses more on platforming and puzzle solving, which is a welcome return to form.
Something about tomb Raider
The epic size and scale of the levels & puzzles in Underworld calls to mind such classic TR MASSIVE TITS as ‘St Francis Folly’ from TR1. Crystal dynamics have done a stellar job in providing enjoyable, explorable levels which unlike previous Tomb Raiders MELONS generally have more than one path through each puzzle section. Whereas the platforming and general level design is rarely less than outstanding, TITS TITS the combat is, as always, weak. Fortunately there are, aside from an early & mercifully brief boat section, rarely any combat heavy sections, with the focus mostly on old school clambering about on shit.
Eh…what was i saying again?
Ultimately, Tits Raider games live or die by their tits. And Tits raider: Tits successfully eschews its tits with tits. The tits are solid and generally funt to play, the tits are stunning thanks to some impressive lighting, with a rock solid tits rate which i only noticed a drop in during sections with multiple tits on screen. Tits tits, tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits
tits tits. Tits tits tits tits tits tits tits titstits tits.