Grand Theft Auto 4 Review
Format reviewed: Xbox 360
Immigrants are a funny breed, who seem mostly to concern themselves with flooding a particular country and having sex with your sister whilst stealing your job, forcing you to live homeless and give handjobs to effeminate old men who speak in lisps so you can afford to buy food for your crack addicted baby. And its ALL THE FAULT OF IMMIGRANTS.
GTA4 takes a different stance on this now all-too-familair scene and apptempts to tell the story of Niko Bellic, a Serbian immigrant to fictional New york city (closely based on Liberty City).
Niko is not your typical job stealing sister fucker immigrant, (tho throughout the course of the game he DOES fuck somebodys sister).
Not content to live the life of an average immigrant and sit on his arse and wait for the social welfare cheques and food stamps to roll in while peddling heroin to white teenagers, Niko sets about making a good name for himself in Liberty City as a hired killer, car stealing, prostistute beating hardass, which is sure to do for immigrants good name in America what Adolf Hitler did for the good name of the quaint mountain town of Auschwitz.
Every middle aged white mans biggest fear
Gameplay in GTA4 ranges from bog standard package delivery missions to the sublime Heat inspired bank heist shoot out mission of ‘three leaf clover’. If you’ve played a GTA game before you’ll know exactly what to expect, only everything is bigger, better and has ragdoll physics.
The city itself is the real star of the show, and genuinely feels ‘alive’. Rockstar have done one hell of a job, From pedestrians talking on cell phones, to dropping coffee cups when you brake hard enough in front of them, and then being able to pick up their coffee cup and throw it at them, to cops arresting civilians who try to attack you if you provoke them enough. It’s all a rich tapestry.
Much like in real life, Niko must endure all manner of twats calling him on his mobile to ask him out to do all variety of mundane shit like going eating or bowling. Taking whiny bitches out to eat in the vain hope that they might shut up long enough to let you have sex on them is something most people will have to have experienced at some stage or another and its no surprise that doing it virtually is even less fun than doing it in real life. Going out bowling or playing darts is again almost as coma inducing as it is in real life, but at least darts has the one saving grace of being able to throw darts at punters which stops it from being a complete dry hump.
GTA4 doesnt do much to warrant facepalming, so recieves a sole picard for the retarded dating shit