Blownapart Games

Napoleon Blownapart talks games. Cause he doesn't know much else.


So I was going to write a 2015 best of and worst of. And I may yet do that. But right now I don’t feel like it, namely because every prick and his dog is doing it, but also because there was one game from 2015 that genuinely touched me, and only sort of inappropriately, so I want to talk about that instead.
Generally when someone mentions a game that really moved them in 2015, most people will think of time travelling teen lesboidal angst simulation Life is Strange, or to a lesser extent the mildly disappointing 2nd season of The Walking dead. But hey at least it’s only had one disappointing season which is more than can be said for the TV show.
Continue reading “Dropsy”

Welcome, to the Future

Welcome, gentle reader, to the new look FacepalmedGamer. Re-titled “Blownapart Gaming”, because if theres one thing the internet has in abundance and needs less of, it’s cunts with the suffix “gamer” in their name. LazyGamer. AngryGamer. NerdGamer. PederastGamer. You name it. I’m tired of being the FacepalmedGamer. So now i’ll be going by my Steam/Youtube name. Napoleon Blownapart, which has a much grander air to it, i’m sure you’ll agree. That’s it. No gimmicks. No schtick.  “Well Napoleon, if that is your real name, what can i expect from this Madonna-esque reinvention? Huh? You god damn dildo fucker? HUH?!” i hear you ask..

Continue reading “Welcome, to the Future”



As the year formerly known as Two Thousand and Fourteen becomes the year currently known as Two Thousand and Fifteen, it’s time once again for an article as traditional as a jizz squirt to the face at the metaphorical and literal climax of a Porno. Yes, it’s the annual best and worst of list. Duct tape your nutsack to your thigh, cause this might very well blow your balls right the fuck off.

Continue reading “NOW THAT’S WHAT I CALL BULLSHIT – The 2014 Review!!”

The state of gaming at the year’s end

As 2014 draws to a close, we, as gamers, are blessed with the annual harvest of games that are competing for your hard earned Christmas Cash. Like Hyenas tearing at each others throats for a scrap of meat, games publishers the world over are fighting tooth and nail to surgically extract money from your wallet with the biggest, and best releases of the season.

Wait, did i say best releases of the season? I apologize, what i actually meant was “releasing a biblical torrent of broken shit and hoping you’ll buy it regardlessly like the brain-broke fuckheads they think we are”.

Continue reading “The state of gaming at the year’s end”

Call of Duty – Ghosts (single player)


This is a review of the single player portion of CoD:Ghosts. I feel the need to mention this only because you’ll always get some gaping arsehole reading the 0/10 score and exclaiming “but the multiplayer’s where its at! NOBODY plays CoD for the single player!”. Oh, really? Well then first off, fuck yourself, and secondly, explain the popularity of the MW1 campaign if nobody played it? eh? Arsehole.

Whoops, i gave the score away already.

Continue reading “Call of Duty – Ghosts (single player)”

The Greatest sHits of 2013

Dear readers,

You may have noticed i haven’t reviewed anything at all this year. The reason is simple: fuck off. Also, sadly for all you ladies out there i got married last year and have less time for jacking off to internet porn and writing garbage that is read by approximately noone.  But in an effort to placate all of you out there clamouring for me to review your favourite games, here’s TFPG’s roundup of the GREATEST HITS OF 2013

Continue reading “The Greatest sHits of 2013”

What the fuck happened to Aliens: Colonial Marines














All the signs were there. From the outset, we really should’ve known this game was going to be an absolute prize pig. The second we saw iron sights on a pulse rifle, alarm bells should’ve been ringing. And in hindsight, we did know.
We knew it was going to be a mediocre game, no one was expecting a game about Mentally incompetent  Marines killing bugs in space to be a genre busting watermark moment a-la Bioshock or Half Life 2.

What we didn’t expect, what noone could have forseen, was that Colonial Marines would wind up being so bad as to go down in history alongside gaming shit sandwiches such as Night Trap, Rise of the Robots, and Killzone 1-3.
Continue reading “What the fuck happened to Aliens: Colonial Marines”



Welcome! Welcome one and all to TFPG’s 2nd annual Video Game Awards. I say Video Game Awards, but that’s just a catchy title i heard somewhere to rope in hits for what is actually just going to be me picking through the shittiest games of the year like a drug mule looking for a swallowed condom of pills in a pile of his own waste.

Continue reading “TFPG’s VGA’S 2012: THE NEXT GENERATION”

Thoughts on the Videogame Journalism Controversy from an Independent Observer

Taste the rainbow

The objective of any review, be it of a TV show, a Film, a Book, a Game, or the last shit you just took, is to provide a valid critique of said work of art/bowel movement (the 2 not being mutually exclusive, mind). I’ve highlighted the important word here. Let’s take a better look:


noun article or essay criticizing  a literary or other work;detailed evaluation; review.

2.a criticism  or critical  comment on some problem, subject,etc.

3.the art or practice of criticism.

“an article or essay criticizing a literary or other work”. Now, i may be an unqualified unprofessional, but i’d find it pretty hard to criticize a company’s product when they’re using their million dollar money penis to squirt free holiday and merchandise jizz all over my pretty, naive face.

Continue reading “Thoughts on the Videogame Journalism Controversy from an Independent Observer”

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