Gamings most stereotypical stereotypes. Part 1: black dudes and tits

Modern day videogaming is rife with ideas culled from any number of straight to DVD movies. From such cinematic offal  as Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus to feel good celluloid flotsam Private Valentine: Blonde and Dangerous starring cinematic heavyweight Jessica Simpson, video games have always plundered ideas from Hollywoods brightest stars. However, much like every cinematic banquet of  Aliens is generally followed with an hour of liquid shits in the form of Starship Troopers 3: Troopers to the rescue, (may or may not be a real title) not everything plundered from Hollywood and imported into a videogame is entertainment gold.

Barry Burton – A tribute

With the release of Resident Evil 5, TFPG commemorates the real hero of the resident evil saga, Barry Burton.

Feature: The most disturbing videogame fanfiction the internet has to offer

The internet is a strange, scary place. Stray too far from your homepage and your favourite hardcore porn site, and you can find all manner of deviant fetishes that will rape your memories and sear images into your brain like the white hot fire of an imploding sun. Today we’re trawling the depth of the twisted imagination of the internet so you don’t have to…

Killzone 2 campaign, reviewed by Rico Velasquez

S’up motherfuckers? It’s ya boy Rico motherfuckin Velasquez here to do a motherfucking review, of fuckin Killzone 2 aight? So sit back, relax, grab a fuckin drink or sumtin’, and enjoy the fuckin show bitches.

Title: Killzone fuckin’ two, all up in yo’ shit
Format fuckin reviewed: PLAYSTATION  TRIPPLE, BITCHES

Street Fighter IV: Chun Li’s legs reviewed

Street Fighter IV
Format reviewed: Xbox 360

Street fighter IV is amazing. If Jesus played video games, he would more than likely be playing Street fighter IV (henceforth referred to as SF4), and he’d probably get really fucking pissed that capcom have delivered a genuine second coming unlike his hokey promises of ‘possibly maybe sometime coming back again, so behave yourselves!’
And if he did play SF4, you can forget about him ever making a comeback as he’ll be too busy trying to beat the fucking wanker Seth on anything above medium difficulty. Jesus doesn’t fuck about on Easy mode.
So yes, its incredible, and you dont need me to tell you that much. What you do need however, is the answer to the question no doubt on everyone’s lips, ‘just how fucking good do Chun Li’s thighs look in SF4??‘

This weeks news roundup with commentary by Nick the Nazi from ‘Falling Down’

This weeks most important news articles in gaming, with commentary from everybodies favourite crypto-nazi, Nick the surplus store owner from Michael Douglas classic 1991 movie ‘Falling down’.

4 Additions from 80’s action films that could’ve made Gears of war 2 even more amazing

Gears of war 2 was a fantastic game. We can all agree that one thing missing from the shooter genre is bulky man mountain space marines gurning their way through dialogue such as ‘THEY’RE SINKING CITIES WITH A GIANT WORM!’ and ‘heard theres a shitlod of grubs down there sarge’, ’more like ten shitloads’.  Add extreme violence into the mix and youre onto a solid gold winner. Games need more of that shit. but what could’ve been added, or possibly added to a future GOW game to make the dialouge even fucking better? Or the action even more kidney punchingly fantastic? Read on.

Resident Evil 5 – First impressions

Resident Evil 5 – Demo
Horrific, for all the wrong reasons
Well well. Resident evil eh? One of the longest running series in gaming, alongside Metal Gear & Tomb Raider, on every format under the sun from the Sega Saturn to the Dreamcast and all points in between. The Resi template had become as stale and clunky as one of its undead inhabitants by the time Resident evil Code veronica (officially the 4th game in the series) was released in ‘99 on the Dreamcast, and took until 2004 for a major franchise reboot in the for of Resident Evil 4 for the series to really become vital again.

Zombies in videogames – A retrospective

Zombies. Second only to Nazis, and Zombie Nazis as the gamers cannon fodder of choice. If (when) the inevitable zombie apocalypse happens, it wont be the Bruce Willis’es, the Arnold Schawrzeneggers’es, or even the nerdy dude with the glasses in ‘The hills have eyes’ remake who killed all those mutants and proved hes not a compelte pussy who saves us. Who will save us then? The gamers. Gamers have killed more Zombies than every hollywood movie combined, faced every apocalyptic zombie scenario known to man, and fired off enough witty one liners to put Bruce Campbell to shame. So here’s some of the best videogame zombies to ever grace the end of our 9mm Beretta/Water pistol/baseball bat/lawnmower…

Tomb Raider: Underworld

Tomb Raider: Underworld
Format Reviewed: Xbox 360

Tomb Raider: Underworld is the breast adventure in the long running Tomb Raider franchise, picking things up were 2006’s Legend left off. Once again, we’re back tits pillaging ancient ruins, performing more acrobatics than the Cirque Du Soleil on amphetamines, and juggs killing enough endangered species to give the members of PETA a collective brain embolism.